I'm awake again, dafuq

I'm awake again at 4 am! No, I wont be sleepy in the morning. I'll probably just over sleep.

Lotsa things happening, but I'd rather not write it. Depending on who you are, I might even tell you!

Lets just say my personal and work life are moving... forward at the least. Generally positive, yeah?

The lesson of life that I struggle with alot, (and have yet to accept and learn) is: You can't please everybody. There are just something that go wrong. And from that point forward, some people may not approve of you the same way they used to. That relationship lost. It really pains me to lose something like that... you know? I didn't mean any harm. I never do with those i call my "friends". 

But that's a fact of life. One I still can't fully accept. One that still bothers me from time to time.

But work is moving along... I "support" more than "lead"... but I'm sure someday I'll accomplish something that I can rightfully claim as an outcome of my own efforts. I think I'll get there... just a little longer.

And yeah... weekends are great :p 4 days bebeh! 

Here's to the future! Happy sunday

What's in it for me?

That's what everyone says... Sure they can do this or that, but the question always pops up first: If i do this, what's in it for me? 

I see it everywhere, in everything. How people drive, how they fall in line, how they reply to my messages etc. They won't do it unless there's some kind of benefit or it would help them avoid something bad. That's how everyone thinks. You might be the same.

Everyone from the politicians in office to the beggars on the street. All the same.

So when you try to make something long term with the cooperation of others, they don't care. If there's nothing beneficial for the short term, there's no point. For me, and for them. No one does anything for the sake of doing it... despite the possible outcomes... no money now, no work now. Plain and simple.

This is probably why people migrate... looks pretty hopeless sometimes

Trimming down

It's the end of a Long weekend. And it's nice, strangely... It's not such an abrupt end like every sunday that seems to breeze by. It wasn't a fleeting afternoon, or a midday dash to midnight. It's just moving all so slowly... In a nice way.

I'm in bed now after spending a very wonderful day with a very wonderful person... I'm typing this on my phone while listening to patti Austin. The weekend is "chilling" to an end. It's really really nice, I don't remember feeling this way about any weekend ever.

It's all because I kept the day simple. Not forcing my self to do this or that. Just did the simple things... And I really want to feel like this everynight. Going to bed feeling like I lived a day in my life and not just running through it. And here's what im gonna do: start trimming down!

1. Stop playing Facebook games for hours and hours a day
2. Stop watching you tube too much
3. Stop playing iPhone games all the time (I'd rather boot up the ps3 for my gaming fix)
4. Stop playing with the settings of all my online accounts
5. Stop reading wikis other than Wikipedia

Things I'll keep on doing or should start
1. Be updated on the important stuff via RSS
2. Fix my iPhone with all my digital media needs
3. Watch movies that I missed
4. Spend more time with brandy
5. Exercise
6. Read more books that'll help me, like stuff about marketing, business and read the news too!
7. Get some quiet "me" time every day

8. Talk to people, friendly conversations ;)

yeah, that's what i wanna do... Here's to a mid year resolution!

blog blog

I think i now know why i have trouble sleeping... i read my previous post after leaving it in the "draft bin" for a while. Its because i don't have time i guess... so instead of alotting the 7 or so hours to sleep, i keep it for myself for me to waste on facebook playing games or watching video game walkthroughs on youtube. The end result? In the end I didn't make good use of my free time! haha! how ironic? and the end END result? lower mental functionality due to lack of sleep. LOL. I need to fix that, i need a tranquilizer gun, stun grenades or better yet: A warm bath, soothing ambient music and low cool air con. Its funny that I can sleep anywhere except my bed. Again, the irony of it all!!!

I miss multiply!!!! Facebook just isn't the same... (nothing against facebook, i visit several times a day!) I wonder how its picking up in the marketplace... lol, life is so hard... an apparent reality shoved in my face by the difficulties of marketing in the Philippine Economy... Its just too damn specific

I Don't write on my personal blog anymore

I'm waiting for louie to finish up so we can leave already... went into my multiply to pass the time and I saw how slow my feed was... how the updates were few and far in between... looked at some of my albums and remembered how crazy things were back then when I had a lot more freedom a a lot less "responsibility". 

It was funny how I hated that my studies took up so much time before... but now its nothing compared to my 9.6 hour a day job.

I like my Job, its not bad... and I will get something out of it in the end... Its just that 24 hours doesn't seem enough anymore for me to do all the things i wanna do.

i spend 10.6 hours at work (the extra hour for lunch break)

and around 7 hours of sleep in the morning (if i wake up at around 7 am)

then lets say 1 hour of sleep at night (if i sleep at around 11pm)

so that amounts to 18.6 hours leaving 5.4 for everything else...

That amount is actually less when you count in travel time and stuff...

Its all a tad draining... I'm starting to miss the long breaks, the lunches and dinners at katip, movies and foodtrips at spanky's, going to UP or to the malls, meeting up with Don-Don and Raymond, the hours I grinded in front of the PS3...

Life sure has changed...

I've written this post on Jan 2, 2011 of this year... strange that i didn't publish it right away, but the feeling is still the same... time is fleeting isn't it?

It's 3:44 am, do you know where I am?

It's 3:44 in the morning and i can't sleep. Going the the U.S. embassy in a bit for some visa shizzle... and I cant sleep...

I heard from some where that you keep yourself up at night when you're mind is restless. Things like stress and anxiety can keep you up because they don't give your mind a chance to relax and thus drift off to sleep. Stuff like exercise during the day or relaxing showers or bed time reading is supposed to soothe the waking mind but those never worked out for me. I went to the Gym today and did a lot of stuff there. I went home with my back feeling all swollen yet here I am, awake to type this blog.

3:55 now.

Maybe my restless mind outweighs my efforts at sleep. I'm writing this blog now to relax but i think its pretty useless now since we're leaving at 5 soooo whatever. I was trying to put myself to sleep as i do on most night by watching youtube until exhaust myself out of boredom, But no... I think that only keeps me up even more. One Video leads to another and before you know it, its 3:44! Youtube does a terrific job of keeping you tuned in. Damned to recommended and related video lists!! they never end!

Whats bothering me?

I'm employed now, if you didn't know. My first day is on the 26th so unemployment isn't bothering me... its actually other more profound stuff thats keeping me up. Stuff that worries me from time to time. Its that im constantly haunted by a some unnatural loneliness at times, a kind of loneliness that isn't here yet but i can see its shadow looming from around the corner. Its all becoming clearer to me somehow that that is the direction i seem to be headed. 

It all started with the end of college and constantly grew during that lull between those ceremonies and my hiring date. There was simply nothing to do. Though I had a few fun days with friends here and there, most days i spent alone at home playing video games or out on the town looking for a job. 

You see what i saw? I don't have any real life outside of that that keeps me busy. It used to be school, and when that was over, I lost any real place to put my efforts. And without school and those things to keep me busy, I was with nobody, I was alone. I realized that most of my relationships are founded on things that keep me busy. Things like school, orgs etc, if those halted so did my meetings with the people i called my friends. It quite sad really, that it is as if I only exist to them (or them to me) in the context of... well context! 

It seems (I hope this isn't true of course!) that seeing these people is dependent of the activeness of whatever contexts i meet them in. And it was almost usually school, outside of that it seems like setting up another meeting isn't worth the effort.

I don't think ill miss college, I actually rejoiced that Id never have to go back to that god forsaken school, but i cant help but wonder how much im going to lose (or have lost!) with the end of College. Does it just end there? So work will just bring me a whole new set of friends? Work friends are nice but, its not the same being with the friends you've grown up with. People who were with you on the learning curve... You know what I mean?

Maybe it just seems a whole lot worse than it actually is. Surely, if you are my contact on multiply and know me quite a bit, you can say that I'm a bit of a conservative. I dont really actively seek out and foster relationships. I just naturally let them occur from my interactions of people. I dont even give birthday and Christmas gifts consistently! We're friends mostly due to chance, though I do value and put effort in keeping my relationship with you, I did very little to create it. It was mostly riding on said context for sustenance without which puts me in awkward footing. You get me? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!

Is my timidness biting me in the ass on this one? or is this just another phase? Maybe I do live off having something to busy me to make my limited free time more precious with friends? Or am i really fated to be that guy you know but dont really know that well, that guy you know but wont really be on the top of your guest lists or the kind you invite on vacation trips and stuff... Just that guy on the side? Am i really gonna be like that? Am i like that or will i be like that to you?

Do people even check their multiply anymore??

It's 4:23 am

Im gonna get me some soda

cheers!

-megeh

helloooooooo! anyone there?

i miss multiply :(

facebook = bleh