Lonely day meditations

the frightening reality is that we all die alone

i spent most of the day alone. I'm sick with tonsillitis for over a week now. I'm dedicating his weekend to rest and recovery. I won't get rid of this infection if i tire myself at work everyday.

so im here in my room just facebooking and playing on the PS3. I finished Starhawk 2 days after i bought it. I cant say that i like the multiplayer though. Unlike most other multiplayer games i've played, Starhawk really needs you to communicate with your teammates. In mass effect 3, its possible to stomp around ignoring your team mates and still be fist place. Call of Duty Pros can mop the floor with the other team single handed, same goes for uncharted 3 multiplayer and co-op. But in Starhawk (and maybe to some extent, Battlefield 3), the scale of the battles really makes each individual player's efforts small. Building your base is impossible on your own. my team was owned on the first two games because we couldn't get our act together. Everyone was trying to build what they want then blasting off to do whatever they wanted. But the other team was smart. They saved up money to build up forward bases and tanks. Then bombarded us from well fortified positions. We all counterattacked in small ways. Doing sneaky one man rocketeer stunts and starhawk strafing. But it was in no way done in a coordinated strike the way our opponents did. Yes, we did what we wanted but it was no match for other team's siege strategy. As a contrast, not everyone did something particularly fun on the other team. Some went resource hunting and repairing,  others did the building and some did quick bike and hawk strafes to get to the flag while only 2 tanks were active at a time while the rest supported. Theoretically, everyone on the team could have been rolling on tanks since the forward base was set up, but they didnt. Everyone did their part, even if it wasnt the funnest thing to do. In the end, they won. I never set a foot outside my base.

That was long. but the point i wanted to bring out is that sometimes, for a certain goal to be reached. Somethings have to be done for the greater good, for the long term and all that jazz. So its not really a matter of who your doing it with but more of you guys all doing complimentary actions for the group goal rather than personal preference.

Its a simple concept which im sure most people know and understand. But when putting it in to practice, it can be difficult to execute.

Growing up i've adjusted to a certain philosophy of doing whatever i wanted regardless of other peoples opinions as long as i dont hurt or offend anybody with it. It made me a bit... weird... since i liked and did a lot of things that weren't that mainstream. So i kept to myself when it comes to my hobbies. I dont particularly enjoy basketball depsite the large social benefits one can get by playing and following basketball nor do i particularly follow TV series which got really popular as i hit college. So in the end, i dont really "play" well with others unless it involved eating food which everyone does anyway and it doesn't help with the "greater good" principle either.

Hence the starhawk dilemma. I just wanted to do one man operations like i do in most games but that clearly wont work here. You really have to stick to the team strategy to make the team win. Sticking with a solo strategy will just make you lose alone.

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I'm in a certain situation now that really stresses this concept of "doing things i may not prefer to do but must do for a greater goal". Though i do want to attain the "team goal", the "things that i have to do" or rather "things that i've been told that i have to do" don't make sense to me. My disagreement and refusal to follow these mandates has derailed us from the attainment of the team goal. Note that these "things i have to do" were not specified by me but by my partner.

Now the question must be asked: Am i wrong for disagreeing? Or "do the things i have to do" wrong to begin with? Do i disagree because i dont understand? Or because i do not accept?

These are the things i dwell on now. Life is full of things you have to do. You may not like them, but if you want certain things in life... to be successful, to be healthy... to be happy, you have to do anything and everything to make them happen.

Do i leave this team? or do i stay?