"Dont do anything you won't be comfortable with"

"Don't do anything you won't be comfortable with"

I'm typing this as i take a sh*t on the toilet. I'm totally comfortable with that, which is why i can do it. There are other things however that aren't so easily done. The opposite is high stake gambling or *gasp* the stock market *un-gasp*. I'm not comfortable placing large sums on something based on chance. Hence i don't do them, I place my money in mutual funds instead. That's an investment decision im comfortable with.

Rarely in my life have i encountered "hard decisions". I've made a lot of decisions in my life. Some of them very important. Its just that most weren't that hard. More often than not, when coming to a cross road, the journey leading there puts me in a certain mindset. I'm so convinced (or I've convinced myself) that one decision is the right one for me that when it's time to cross the bridge, all i have to do is cross. Take for example college. It all boiled down to UAnP and ADMU. An important decision: choice of college and course can lay the foundations of your career... or at least land you your first job. I easily picked ADMU over UAnP. Though i admit i was very interested in going to UAnP with their smaller population, more focused teachers, dynamic courses and optional 5th year master's course, i picked ADMU. Why? Its near, i liked the Management Economics course description, Papa studied there, a lot of friends were going there, and its along the "very cozy at the time" katipunan avenue. See? important decision, but easily made. I was totally comfortable with the idea of going blue and white from green and white.

(i'm off the toilet now btw)

Sure i did regret choosing Ateneo during my college years. I even contemplated transferring to UAnP. But i stuck with it because i knew the Ateneo name carried alot of weight for fresh grads (despite the questionable faculty at the jesuit campus). It took me sometime to think about, but i convinced myself that staying had its benefits and again, the decision was easily made.

My decision to stay bore fruit during my first job fair. I got in to the Sun Cellular Management Trainee Program. I wanted an MT program because its a good way to move from my lolly gagging college life to the "professional life". My fellow MTs were people i got along with, like a freshman's college block, we were each other's support system and I generally enjoyed working in Sun early on. My decision to persevere 4 years in Ateneo's brutal social hierarchy and endure it's egotistical faculty was an important decision that i was happily comfortable with. 

Lots of things at work happend. It became more and more depressing as i struggled to create any meaningful output. I was in "New Business", a team dedicated to finding new ways to offer products, services or earn revenues for Sun Cellular Postpaid. It entailed understanding business models, networks, systems, financials and business case analysis. I met with lots of people from all over the world and discussed ideas on how to partner up or create the next GSM service. It got tiring after a while. The telecom business is a big and heavy business. I spent a year and a half exploring new business and though it was fascinating, it wasn't fulfilling. I wasn't able to launch anything successful (but i still received 3 promotions over 2 years which isnt that bad). The negative side effect is all my efforts are internal to Sun Cellular, theres nothing i can brag about in my resume since everything i worked on was "confidential". So my next decision was whether to 1.) stay and persevere like Ateneo, 2.) Request for a Transfer 3.) Leave SUN and search for more meaningful work that'll beef up my resume.

I chose option 1.) mostly because i was so accustomed to the work and New Business couldn't afford to lose another team member. It wasn't a hard decision. I thought about it alot and chose to cling on to hope as they do in movies and books. Eventually though, after the MVP's acquisition of SUN. Things were starting to look up. Projects that were "Sure to be approved" were lined up and i was a part of them. Important decision, comfortably made.

Just to top off that story, My boss put me in line for a transfer to the more mainstream Postpaid Marketing Department. I won't be able to finish some of my cooler projects. But at least mainstream business will help me learn a lot and really contribute to my marketability as a future hire elsewhere.

My perseverance seems to pay off for myself now doesn't it?

here's a snippet from an earlier post

http://megeh.multiply.com/journal/item/115/Another_long_weekend..._ends

"My former boss said to me before he resigned: "when you grow old, you make decisions for your family and not for yourself". (referring to his decision to resign a job he liked and look for a more "rewarding" job) Ever since he said that, I started doing anything i want with my life. For when (and IF) the time comes that i choose to settle down, all my choices won't be for me anymore, but for those i love (CHEESY SH*T)"

Right now I'm faced with the first real difficult decision in my life. And the decision isn't just about me, its not just for myself. Past important decisions were easier to make because i alone would carry the consequences of those decisions be they good or bad. I would just have to man up to my decisions and move forward without regrets. But when someone else's life will be greatly affected... its a whole new ball game for me. For the first time in my life. There is no comfortable decision or alternative. Either road i take could spawn something i could regret later on. This is like the first time i encountered risk. The Risk of making a mistake that could scar the both of us.

What do i do when you aren't comfortable with anything?

Lonely day meditations

the frightening reality is that we all die alone

i spent most of the day alone. I'm sick with tonsillitis for over a week now. I'm dedicating his weekend to rest and recovery. I won't get rid of this infection if i tire myself at work everyday.

so im here in my room just facebooking and playing on the PS3. I finished Starhawk 2 days after i bought it. I cant say that i like the multiplayer though. Unlike most other multiplayer games i've played, Starhawk really needs you to communicate with your teammates. In mass effect 3, its possible to stomp around ignoring your team mates and still be fist place. Call of Duty Pros can mop the floor with the other team single handed, same goes for uncharted 3 multiplayer and co-op. But in Starhawk (and maybe to some extent, Battlefield 3), the scale of the battles really makes each individual player's efforts small. Building your base is impossible on your own. my team was owned on the first two games because we couldn't get our act together. Everyone was trying to build what they want then blasting off to do whatever they wanted. But the other team was smart. They saved up money to build up forward bases and tanks. Then bombarded us from well fortified positions. We all counterattacked in small ways. Doing sneaky one man rocketeer stunts and starhawk strafing. But it was in no way done in a coordinated strike the way our opponents did. Yes, we did what we wanted but it was no match for other team's siege strategy. As a contrast, not everyone did something particularly fun on the other team. Some went resource hunting and repairing,  others did the building and some did quick bike and hawk strafes to get to the flag while only 2 tanks were active at a time while the rest supported. Theoretically, everyone on the team could have been rolling on tanks since the forward base was set up, but they didnt. Everyone did their part, even if it wasnt the funnest thing to do. In the end, they won. I never set a foot outside my base.

That was long. but the point i wanted to bring out is that sometimes, for a certain goal to be reached. Somethings have to be done for the greater good, for the long term and all that jazz. So its not really a matter of who your doing it with but more of you guys all doing complimentary actions for the group goal rather than personal preference.

Its a simple concept which im sure most people know and understand. But when putting it in to practice, it can be difficult to execute.

Growing up i've adjusted to a certain philosophy of doing whatever i wanted regardless of other peoples opinions as long as i dont hurt or offend anybody with it. It made me a bit... weird... since i liked and did a lot of things that weren't that mainstream. So i kept to myself when it comes to my hobbies. I dont particularly enjoy basketball depsite the large social benefits one can get by playing and following basketball nor do i particularly follow TV series which got really popular as i hit college. So in the end, i dont really "play" well with others unless it involved eating food which everyone does anyway and it doesn't help with the "greater good" principle either.

Hence the starhawk dilemma. I just wanted to do one man operations like i do in most games but that clearly wont work here. You really have to stick to the team strategy to make the team win. Sticking with a solo strategy will just make you lose alone.

'

I'm in a certain situation now that really stresses this concept of "doing things i may not prefer to do but must do for a greater goal". Though i do want to attain the "team goal", the "things that i have to do" or rather "things that i've been told that i have to do" don't make sense to me. My disagreement and refusal to follow these mandates has derailed us from the attainment of the team goal. Note that these "things i have to do" were not specified by me but by my partner.

Now the question must be asked: Am i wrong for disagreeing? Or "do the things i have to do" wrong to begin with? Do i disagree because i dont understand? Or because i do not accept?

These are the things i dwell on now. Life is full of things you have to do. You may not like them, but if you want certain things in life... to be successful, to be healthy... to be happy, you have to do anything and everything to make them happen.

Do i leave this team? or do i stay?